Self-love oftentimes seems like a perpetual challenge. I would even argue that it's an easily forgotten challenge in this fast-paced world. We get so caught up in the reward of finishing the task itself or the reward of survival, we forget our higher needs.
Yes, the feeling of completion is good, but we have to remember to validate our worth outside of productivity. It’s almost like we get complacent or stuck within a constant input-output situation. So, how do we break the cycle? Well, making sure you reward yourself is an empowering way to start, and it can also help us pursue self-love.
Here's how.
Rewards help to reaffirm our worth.
Productivity is not necessarily your purpose, and we have to remember that it’s not the only thing that brings fulfillment. We’re taught to believe that when we finish something or succeed at something, we’re fulfilled. Then, it stops there.
But, self-love challenges us to want more for ourselves. A higher purpose doesn’t have to be related to output. It can also look like true enjoyment. Self-love asks us, “What do you love about life that's separate from putting out a product?” Self love tells us that we are worthy of those things, and yes, you can reward yourself with them. Because you're human, you are worthy of a reward that brings enjoyment, not just the gratifying feeling of being productive. Productivity is ultimately related to efficiency. And while it is also related to fulfilling our ambitions and goals, rewards also remind us to value our personal lives, another crucial aspect of our humanity.
Rewards can help us to accept ourselves as individuals.
When we don’t reward ourselves, things can become redundant. When you do things just for the sake of doing things, these activities can become monotonous. Everyone needs reward because the brain is driven by reward. “The regions of the brain comprising the “reward system” use the neurotransmitter dopamine to communicate. Dopamine-producing neurons in the ventral tegmental area (VTA) communicate with neurons in the nucleus accumbens in order to evaluate rewards and motivate us to obtain them” (Halber, Deborah. 2018).
However, if the reward is not important enough, there is a much lower chance that you’ll pursue the reward. So, good rewards are relative, and they have a lot to do with your personality type. And for many, finishing something for the sake of finishing something does not even bring gratification, which means that they may not possess the same motivation to pursue that “feeling.”
If satisfaction just from completing something doesn’t resonate with you, it may not be enough to incite action. The reward has to be important enough to you. So, try to find things that incite action within you. What would be important enough for you to pursue?
For example, if someone goes to the gym for the sake of going to the gym because after leaving the gym, they're like, “Yay, I went to the gym!” That’s good because it is a rewarding feeling for them. But, others might need a reward to go to the gym because the feeling of completing a gym routine does bring a true sense of satisfaction. Everyone is different, and good rewards relate to the individual.
They are dependent on what you like. So, finding rewards can tell you about yourself by helping you to discover the things you like. When you discover more of what brings you joy, it’s easier to enact these things for self-love.
Rewards help us to remember what self-love is.
Self-love is an act, and these actions should bring us closer to our truth. These actions should bring us closer to being comfortable in our own skin. And upon discovering new ways to reward yourself, it can become easier to accept our own definitions of self-love, and likewise, who we are.
Cover photo cred: The Wildest