During high school, I knew makeup as armor. I battled with cystic acne throughout girlhood, and each layer I applied was like wielding a weapon. I spent years this way.
Cameras became my enemy. And unless my breakouts were fully concealed, I wanted to remain unseen. I saw flawless skin as the quintessence, the paramount of beauty. But gradually, I understood that beauty standards were simply made of pitfalls.
As I entered the modeling industry and began my career, I truly grew to understand this irony.
HIDING BEHIND MAKEUP & FEAR
Growing up, my acne wasn’t just a skin condition; it was a presence that consumed my self-worth. I would turn away from my reflection only to face relentless bullying. So, I avoided mirrors, and I withdrew from others. My skin dictated my self-esteem.
I became convinced that my breakouts made me unlovable. Even when I discovered makeup and learned to cover my blemishes, I still felt like a fraud. Underneath the foundation, I still seemed to be the “acne girl.”
Modeling With Acne: Breaking the Industry Norm
One day, when my insecurities were at their most profound, a photographer friend asked me to model for a shoot.
I hesitated.
How could a model have acne? But, I took a chance because I knew something had to change. I needed something to break through to me.
So, for the first time, I confronted the camera. And as I continued, I began to see myself differently. I wasn’t just made of acne. I had expressive eyes, a real smile, and a presence beyond my skin.
That photo shoot gave me the courage to pursue modeling. Yes, I was covering my skin with foundation. But nevertheless, I walked runways and appeared in campaigns. Little did I know, this experience would give me the confidence I needed — the strength I needed to define my own beauty standards, the power to relinquish perfect skin ideals.
Thus, I finally began to embrace my imperfections. Years later, I even modeled with visible acne, something I never imagined was possible.
For instance, I remember starting my YouTube channel. When I first started my channel, I only posted makeup tutorials. I never showed my bare skin. I just wanted to help others hide their acne too. But, how much was I helping? Deep down, I wasn’t only concealing my breakouts – I was concealing myself.
THE MOMENT THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING
So, one day, I did something terrifying – I uploaded a video showing my skin before I put on foundation, my real skin. I was exposing my biggest insecurity to the world. I expected ridicule, and I didn't check the comments for months. But, one day, I finally did.
The response was overwhelmingly positive.
People thanked me for being real. They conveyed how seeing my acne made them feel less alone.
That’s when I realized – my value wasn’t tied to my skin. It was more tied to my impact.
SELF-WORTH BEYOND SKIN
Acne doesn’t define you. Whether you’re in front of a camera, at work, or going about your day, your worth isn’t measured by breakouts or the lack thereof. Self-acceptance isn’t about ignoring acne; it’s about realizing that your beauty is absolute, not dependent on “flawless” skin.
Now, as a medical esthetician, I do help others manage acne. But, more importantly, I help them see their worth beyond it. If you’re struggling, know this — you are more than your skin.
Modeling with acne isn’t just about defying industry standards; it’s about defying the inner voice that says, “You’re not good enough.” You can face yourself without flawless skin, and still walk in your purpose. I know because I did it, and I am still doing it.
You don’t have to be “perfect” to be seen, loved, or successful. Your skin is just one part of you. But, your confidence, your presence, and your story are what truly make you beautiful.
References:
- American Academy of Dermatology. Acne and self-esteem.
- DermNet NZ. Psychological effects of acne.
- Bankson C. YouTuber Cassandra Bankson Talks Acne and Self-Acceptance. The Kit.
- Bankson C. My Acne Journey – How I Became a Model with Severe Breakouts. YouTube.